i was just thinking, today. today i felt like fainting and my eyes went all fuzzy, so i squatted. and after that only jia asked me if i was okay.
when i was in ngee ann, i fainted during assembly too, and my good friends and other friends all crowded over me and brought me to the nurse.
and for all the three primary schools ive been i know my friends would have.
maybe i'm over reacting but all i know is that even if it was a minor thing, like feeling like fainting, or something even more minor than that, i would have done the same for any of my friends too.
only now i realise how much my primary 6 friends mean to me.
i miss those times we laughed and did silly things, like reading other peoples hands and telling them they would marry ryan and have 10 babies. i miss those times when we would make up stupid stories from compostition pictures, and the times after school when we would wait for our parents and squirt water at ryan or at people below.
we had so many fights, but we always made up, and maybe that was half the fun of it.

i dont know why im always trying to act like someone else, and now im trying to be myself, but how can i when i dont even know who i am anymore.

now maybe i finally realise that what made me love school in primary 6 was lydia, estella, emelyn vanna grace and charlotte.

i dont know why this year has hurt so much. last year when i wasnt reaching out for god, he was, anyway, always there. this year ive been reaching and trying so hard to draw closer to god and all hes doing is drifting away. the prophet said this year would be my breakthrough with god, but maybe i dont believe that anymore. all i ask of god is to show me who i am and to draw closer to me.

and to thank him for primary 6 and maybe he will someday bless me with friends like them again.